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[18 Feb 2009|11:29am] |
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mood |
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thursday |
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LMFAO.
i cant believe i still have this thing. not that ive ever truthfully and faithfully posted anything of importance in this fucking journal, but, whatever.
i guess i just like to fuck around with shit that reminds me of the past. i think im going to look for my xanga after this, lmao.
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[03 Nov 2006|02:03pm] |
your mail's not safe in this town...
I watched the smoke start to rise
one hundred homes, one hundred fires
everything you own now burns away
this town is no longer mine
its fucked with me for the last time
how I wish that I could see your face...
WE are the sound
WE don't belong
so RAISE up your hands...
AND SING ALONG
just
like
a
cat
without
a
mouse
it
masturbates...
meow
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[13 Sep 2006|02:12pm] |
we're dumbing down everything...
we;re dumbing down everything...
theyre only doing this just ot get their point across
anything to know, anything to encourage ignoranceis it for us to sleep?
I THINK WE CAN STOP THEM
the only thing tonite is to let myself change, people change...
////we'retryingtospeakclearly\\\\
no0nemakesitoutalivebutikn0wwherethekillerhidestonite
etinotsedihrellikehterehww0nkitubevilatuotisekamen0on
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[28 Jul 2006|03:38am] |
what if I chose not to breathe? could you hold onto my broken lungs and tattered heart while I'm trying to gather myself up?
pull yourself togetherrrr
fCpSiTsGePgEpGeP
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[12 Jul 2006|03:26pm] |
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why do you make it so hard to carry on without leading me or even guiding the way back home, everything felt so much more simple with your words wrapped around me like a noose on a witch, on the verge of jumping, and I found myself no longer willing to stay the same for you..
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[21 Jun 2006|10:39am] |
you wanna see me disappear?
(you wanna see me disappear?)
well, so do I
(well, so do I...)
sometimes its harder to fly on burning wings then it is to die
sometimes its harder to love another then acsend to heaven with clipped wings
sometimes you wonder if heaven isn't all that far away
then you fall into hell and wonder why life is so far away from you.
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[22 May 2006|12:14pm] |
Please Don't Shoot The Piano Player, He's Doing The Best He Can
I will not deceive myself this time.
I, with cheating another, I have cheated myself.
I feel so incited that it's come down to this.
This is how I repair the hurt that I have caused.
I offer my hand as an equal, as a friend.
I offer my hand as an equal, as a friend.
Tonight it is a reunion.
We have forgotten everyday that we spent when we dismissed each other
In claiming that we shared in separate victories.
Tonight it's all that I have. It's all I give and it is all that I share.
Because one way or another we all know that our days are new.
Our days are new and I offer my hand
As. An. Equal. As a friend. I offer my hand as an equal, as a friend.
I hope that people see what this all means to me.
Confidence in my actions with positive regard for others.
And I know that respect paves a clear path for successful valor and comaradery.
It's a vision of progression. It's a vision.
Please don't shoot the piano player, he's doing the best he can.
Please don't shoot the piano player, he's doing the best he can.
Let us live by one rule, respect us - we'll respect you.
3. Repeat, I Repeat, Repeat
Thoughts spawn as quick as they waste.
Forge disoriented futures.
Cutting in and out, floating in and out.
I'm about to chance a great deal of my past.
I'm about to chance a great deal of my future.
Why does this decision turn its back on me?
I'm not the only one risking it all.
This must be some sick joke that I played on myself.
This must be some sick self that I joked on my play.
This is where the ghosts play.
This is where the ghosts play dead.
This is where the ghosts play dead wrong.
Patience runs thinner and thinner.
When will I realize I'm floating in space unattached from your life?
Did I belong there in the first place?
Distance seems to go on forever.
When will I realize I'm floating in space unattached from your life?
How long will this go on?
Please cleanse my soul.
Cleanse my corrupt soul.
I threw it all away so I could learn what it's like to waste all of our time.
Did time even exist?
For all its worth, we had a great run at it and I found out a lot about myself.
I found out a lot about living.
I will never forget every time.
I will never forget every time that I made you smile.
I will never forget every time that I made you cry.
I'm so sorry.
For this, I will repent.
Next time, I'll sacrifice.
I was not the right one.
4. Ive Been Running For Miles, Davis
Assessing all the goals and the virtues that congealed.
Am I the sum of all that I have struggled to fulfill?
The hands of time have carried me closer to my intentions;
Thwarted the affirmation in all that I find authentic.
Justified.
I grow towards the sky, but not alone.
I have grown towards the sky, but not alone.
Always remembering those who pushed me closer.
And this is not just mine.
Selflessly embracing time.
This is not just mine!
Brandishing the hopes we all have.
Flourish in the limitless prospects.
Emphatic in all we feel to be the truth.
Nothing is as safe as the truth.
If I had lived the way I wanted to live, would I have any doubt today?
If I had lived the way I wanted to live...
Is it too late? It's not too late!
I reinforce everything I am and everything I have been up to this day.
Proclaim it: I fortify!
I will try to look within myself,
Compare how strong I've been to how strong I can be.
I will look inside myself to find new strength.
5. Discussions Is The For Pigs
I have a block on my brain and a clock in my mouth and I'm tasting each second.
For days I've swallowed the hours.
Striking worth into the air with words like arrows that were stuck into my knees;
To pin me to the chair, to force me to write,
I've got a pencil and a thousand thoughts but my wrists won't move.
Why are my thoughts the flies on a rot aloft each other in persuasive decay?
Their decay is my demise.
I control this square with just enough space to envelop an affliction.
They are all dead to me.
They are all DEAD.
Oh no, it's a comfortable rape!
Unlike any normal respite, this canon-style boredom is a crippling image.
Ready to pop at any moment, red-faced children can't vomit.
Insignificantly hopeful, they are pulling on these coiled limbs;
They are taught and confined.
In this environment I am my own destruction.
Relying so heavily on every possible sketch...
procrastination... lost cause... knowing nothing...
6. The Last Letter We Ever Wrote
The last letter you ever wrote assured me two-fold
That your words can appease the most blistered spirit.
How much I lust for life... How much I lust...
Finding out what life means to us may be the most intriguing puzzle ever known.
The first time we experienced anything so true,
We were so far apart from one another.
We kept on instilling trust within grasp,
Believing everything falls into place, depleted the sense of complacency.
Forever search, we'll grow!
We'll grow to fix these splintered ghosts.
Everyday I open my eyes to see it break again.
Behind what we are, the sun is but a hand away.
And in the shadows that we called our home exists effulgence within our hearts.
I write you now because one of the necessary ingredients
To this great vision that I call my future is you.
7. Pterodactyls In America
Terrified to change, terrified to lose with all of this on the line.
And why decide right now?
In the ways we thaw.
In the ways we flaw.
In the ways we stain.
In the ways we concede.
In the ways we please and in the ways we rid...
We are all just as abandoned with our thoughts as we are with our own actions.
They'll say: "The truth is really amazing but we can never reach it again."
I guess that in some ways we never know the truth exists at all.
Substitute all of these myths for a fable.
We refuse to fly with our wings in our mouths.
We refuse to fight with our fists in our mouths.
8. Serenity Now!
Those women are breaking monuments in their sleep.
Constructing the rhythm, fracturing silhouttes.
They are the products of their inconveniences.
And yet they'll still break rules.
They'll even demonstrate how you can sell out your friends.
This seems like the most obvious swindle, right?
Ignite. We can burn the books that impale us.
These stories blind/decieve rationale.
Falsity is bludgeoning every inch of our being.
So quit fashioning the black metaphors, model X,
it's time to have sex with your masterpiece.
And it all makes so much sense when you look back
And realize you stayed so true for the entire ride.
Proves once more that one can...
Never discount glory for those who helped you grow
And allowed you to choose how to live.
9. Today Jeremy Challenges The World
Who can balance the time we once shared, the strength we must bare?
Who can balance?
Time can not wane any slower than this.
This will be the first and last time that we ever coexist.
We could have had the wealthiest harvest in years
If we had not burned down every single crop we had.
We tested the will as we wagered our pride.
Is this the end of our lives? Is this the end?
Restrain and repel the future in your hands.
Slowly break the stares.
Tear away the air.
After we are long gone,
Will we have the chance to remember the times we once shared,
The strength we must bare?
The strength we must reveal, disclose, unmask, unfold.
It would have been really nice to escort you today
But I can't, I decline, today is the last day of the world.
We could have been the luckiest people right now
If we had not gambled away everything we had.
10. The City Is Drowning
Desperate plans impact hearts.
Do not stop seeking what you love or you might end up loving what you find.
Tie me up and blind me with your...
What is time now other than my longing?
Drag on my dear; you have to hurt to pull on.
I could have held you from that night on.
I see that desparation in your eyes.
What's it like to be so far from here?
Can you feel the sun?
Can you feel the warmth absorb your solace expressions?
It's very cold up here, a symbolic emsemble.
I can feel the air, like an orchestra, tune behind the curtain.
How is it possible to understand the distance when we both see the same bright stars?
At night we'll scream about forefeiting, misplacing everything.
We cry divisions, we love decisions, imperative exiles.
Wrapped up in happiness, distorted in reality.
Tie me up and blind me with your love.
11. Sweet Water Death
Lift the sky above the city lights.
After all, these are the brand new boundaries
From which we offered and accepted the distinct ideas and evolving though.
There was somewhat of a distant insight left vacant
By voids exceeding the expectations of prior lifestyles.
As eyes veiw other eyes, those I's may view other I's.
Homeward thoughts rely greatly on the weight of one's heart.
Moonlight is shading the thieves of the sun.
Moonlight shading the thieves.
The son!
If this life is like the surf, we'll give ourselves away like the sea.
These are the days when the open road points to the sky and screams:
"Our brand new face rested on every unknown floor,
And every time I look back this saves me."
Long time, no sea.
Thanks for everything!
12. The Weak And The Wounded
In my left hand pocket, I may not have been aware,
But there's a note addressed to "I Am."
In my right hand pocket, I may not have been aware,
Another note addressed to "The Cynic."
They both read: "Look into the mirror, you'll never see yourself like this again."
If I evaluate and analyze, I become twice as guilty.
I must deny and learn to reprimand myself for this fascination.
Is it in your mind? In my mind?
Should I withdraw or should I deposit, should I risk everything for this?
Terrified for someone to show me what I will not become.
Deny. Reprimand. Myself.
Should I risk everything for this?
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[22 May 2006|12:03pm] |
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BROOKS WAS HERE. NEEDLES IN THE GRASS? OK, SNAKES IN THE HAY. HOMOGENY IS ENGULFING CULTURE. STRIP MALLS AND CHAINS TEAR DOWN THE SANCTITY OF DAYS, SUPPLANT ANCESTRY WITH AMENITY. MELTING POTS BEFORE THEE, THIS BLOOD WILL BOIL FREE.
BONFIRE OF THE MANATEES. AQUATIC FORTITUDE! UNSCATHED AND WITLESS, BELOW THE HOPES AND FEARS OF ROBOTIC FIXTURES. PROPOSED TO THE FLUENT LOVERS, HOPELESS ROMANTICS ENTHRALLED IN SEMANTICS. THEY'LL FLEE THE HIGHLANDS, THEY'LL FLEE THEIR SKIN. QUICK, UNDER THE COVER OF DARKNESS! De jaVU AND AMNESIA SIMULTANEOUSLY. HAVEN'T I BEEN HERE BEFORE? DID I JUST ASK MYSELF THAT QUESTION? ILLUSTRIOUS MADMEN KNITTING QUILTS FOR COMFORTERS. WELL, ISN'T IT TRUE THAT WE ALL NEED OUTLETS TO GROW? IT'S EVERYTHING THAT IT'S NOT. KNOTS EVERYWHERE. THERE'S CONTRADICTIONS IN ALL OF US, IN EVERYTHING. OH, LUXURIES MAIM LUNATICS. AUCTION/ACTION. HIT THE BUTTON, ADMIRE THE IMPLOSIONS. WE'RE BURNING OURSELVES ALIVE, SCREAMING 'PEACE OUT!' AT THE OCEAN. ALTHOUGH THE FLAMES WILL ENGULF THE LAUGHTER, BEST BOB WHILE LIMBLESS AND OUT OF AIR SUPPLY. ANYTHING THAT'S WORTH DOING IS WORTH DOING RIGHT. "BREVITY IS THE BROTHER OF BRILLIANCE." THE SCREW THAT HOLDS IT ALL TOGETHER. IN PLACE, IN TIME. SOLO DUETS. AUDIENCES FAINTED! LIVE DYING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE. DIE LIVING TO BE YOURSELF. POSSESSIONS ARE LUCRATIVE AT BEST. INVESTMENTS BUY SOME TIME. EXCEPTIONS FORTH, EVERYTHING CAST ASIDE. BUY/SELL, BUY/SELL. BOVINE DIVINE!
FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. WOE? BLAME IT ON THE RAIN. WHOA! BLAME IT ON THE NAME GAME. SIZE-UP, SUIT UP SELF-ESTEEM. TIE-DOWN, DRESS-DOWN FIGHT IN THE DOG-DAYS. WOLF NIGHTS? INTROSPECTION AND LONGING ARE A FEVERISH SOLITAIRE. IN FACT, IT'S A LOT LIKE MASTURBATION. WHEN YOU WIN, YOU BEAT YOURSELF. SEE-SAW, HEAR/SAY. SAY-SAW, HERESY. STIMULUS, RESPONSIVE. STIMULI RESPONDED. LET'S PICK A DEFINITION! UNDUE SENSE OF ONES OWN ARROGANCE OR A FAMILY OF LIONS? YEAH, I'M AFRAID. I DON'T WANT TO DIE. NOT NOW. NOT EVER. IT'S A HARSH REALITY, RIGHT? IT'S THE MOST OFFENSIVE TRUTH. THOSE SONGS YOU'LL HEAR WHEN YOU'RE DEAF. WHAT WILL THEY SOUND LIKE WHEN THERE'S NO SOUND AT ALL? FOOTSTEPS YOU SEE IN THE DARK. FOOTSTEPS YOU SEE? CAT AND MOUSE IS A GAME OF SUBTERFUGE. THE MIND SCRATCHES ITSELF TO PIECES. SPAT-UP. CHEW IT DOWN OR LEAVE THE ENTRAILS TO DRY IN THE SUN. IN SUMMATION, FRIGHT IS NOTHING MORE THAN A COLLECTION OF PREEMPTIVE SUICIDES. DO WHAT YOU DO TO BE ALIVE. IT'S A MASSACRE OUTSIDE THAT HOLE, WANDERING THREE-BLIND MRS. BUTCHER. SUSPENSE! "IT'S THAT CAT, DOC, HE SCARES ME TO DEATH," CONFESSES THE MOUSE TO THE SHRINK.
ODDS>EVENS. I AM AS OLD AS MY TONGUE. I AM MUCH OLDER THAN MY TEETH. BEEN NEIGHBORS FOR YEARS BUT NEVERTHELESS NOT A WORD WAS SHARED. JUST EYES THROUGH THE BLINDS. VENETIAN. ODDS. EVENS. THE FLOP READ 'GOOD THING YOU BET THE FARM. GOOD THING YOU BET IT ALL! THOSE BASTARDS ARE ALWAYS BLUFFING BLIND NO MATTER WHAT'S DEALT, DRAWN, OR THROWN DOWN.' WHERE DO ALL THOUGHTS GO TO LAY THEMSELVES DOWN FOR GOOD? PERHAPS THEY WILL ROT WITH THE BODY OR FLOAT UP TO THE SKY BY THE TAIL OF THE SOUL. AUTO PILOT, TAKE 'EM THERE BY SURPRISE! GO OUT IN A BLAZE, A BLAZE OF GLORY. LEAVE WITHOUT A TRACE. LEAVE WITHOUT A FLAW. WE'LL CATCH UP WITH THOSE THOUGHTS WHEN WE CATCH UP WITH OURSELVES, AS WE CATCH UP WITH YOURSELVES CATCHING UP WITH EACH OTHER. WELL BLOW ME DOWN, BLOW ME BACK DOWN TO EARTH. AS FAST AS HALF-WAY BETWEEN GO AND STOP! THROW YOUR MAMA FROM THE TRAIN OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT.
THE WAKE. IN HIND SIGHT FOR SORE EYES ON THE PRIZE FIGHTER. PILOT, GUNNER, NAVIGATOR, THE SKY. THE MOUNTAINS LUKE-WARM, METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING. SPEAKING OF METAPHORS? THE SIMILE IS A FRONT-RUNNER. THE SIMILE LACKS A BLUE-PRINT. WITH AN ENCHANTING PROPOSAL, ONE FOOT LED THE OTHER, CONGRUENT. TO THINK YOUR ONLY GOD WOULD FLAUNT YOU. TO THINK YOUR ONLY GOD WOULD FIGHT YOU! RAISE A FRAIL FIST AT THE CREATOR. SCREAM "I WANT TO MEET MY MAKER!" PERSISTENTLY THE GROUND TENDS TO MAKE WAY FOR YOU. EXCHANGE ALL THOSE HATS FOR A HAIRLINE. DEFINE THE CYCLES OF EXISTENCE TO THINK AND ACT JUST AS WE DO. WE'RE BLASPHEMOUS SEPARATISTS DE-RAILING THE TRAINS OF THOUGHT. REPARATIONS FOR MISOPPORTUNITIES. PAY SOME RESPECT: THE TRANSITIONAL CURRENCY. REIMBURSED. SLEEPING SOUNDLY. SHOULD HAVE SOAKED IT ALL IN, ABSORBED THE POURING RAINS PAST. LET SHEETS BLANKET THE SUITS SO THE DUST CAN SETTLE IN SORROW. LAST SHOWING?
HUMAN BODIES. THIS PLACE, MORE ORANGE NOWADAYS. THE ASHEN BADLANDS REDEEM. YOUR FACE, THROUGH MAGNIFIED GLASS, STILL DRAWS ME IN. THOSE BIG EYES DRAW ME IN. DISTROPHY, STALE AGAIN. ENTROPY: CARE SO MUCH FOR KAMAKAZE COPILOTS WHO WEAR HELMETS. ENCAPSULATED BUT COMMINGLING. PRIVATIZED PUBLIC APOLOGIES THAT ARE BOUGHT AND SOLD. PACKAGED AND STORED IN ATTICKS FOR ADDICTS. COLD HANDS STRUMMING THE MILE-HIGH REGRETS. PERPLEXED? PERHAPS! IMPOSSIBLE TO POSTPONE PLIGHTS OF PROFESSIONAL PENMANSHIP. UNOPINIONATED ROUTINES, WORN KNEES IN A CRAWLING SEASON. EASY TO IMITATE THE OAKS: SHAVE A MOUNTAIN MAN'S BEARD. INSIDIOUS SIGHT-SEERS HOLDING CANDLES TO THOSE CLUTCHING TORCHES. TORTURE. HOW WILL THEY PUT OUT THE FLAMES? ONCE PROUD TO BE THE ANXIOUS, NAϖE MARIONETTE. BUT IN TIME, BECAME THE SHREWD, ARTHRITIC PUPPETEER. COMPARE AND CONTRAST. WERE YOU BETTER OFF THEN AS YOU ALIENTED YOUR LIMBS? ALIENATED YOUR PURPOSE TO FLAIL?
WE STILL BELIEVE... WE STILL BELIEVE IN YOU OLD FRIEND. INDIFFERENT HELPING HANDS. VENOM'S INJECTED BY REJECTS. "A LIE MAKES IT WAY HALF-WAY AROUND THE WORLD BEFORE THE TRUTH CAN GET ITS PANTS ON." THESE LIES YOU SPEAK OF ARE NUDISTS, YOUR HONOR. MY PANTS WERE NEVER ON FIRE. I'M OF CHANGED FOLK, I'VE LEARNED EVERY LESSON. HAVE PATIENCE, PATIENT. IRRESISTABLY CHRONIC, FANATICALLY FIXATED. AN ADDICT OF TIGHTROPES EXPANDING FROM HERE TO SOONER OR LATER. STRUNG OUT ON EVERY BLIND UNCERTAINTY, SELF-EXPECTATIONS. TO EXIST IS BUT ANOTHER QUICK FIX AWAY FROM DISSENSION. EXPECT NOTHING ELSE FROM ME EVER AGAIN. I'VE MADE MY BED, IT'S WHERE I'LL LIE. WRITE IT DOWN ON THE WALLS. FORGE THE IVORY, PLOT THE WHITES, ENTERTAINER. GENIUS PERCHED MATCHING KEYS. PROSPECT, OBSERVANTLY.
HISTORIAN. IN ONE EYE AND OUT THE OTHER. THE HEIRESS TURNED HISTORIAN, REACH-OUT! HOW DID SHE HANDLE HERSELF/POSITION HERSELF WHILE WRITING THIS? BOOK-SIGNING AUTOBIOGRAPHY. PRIZE-WINNING BEST-SELLER. TIE HER HANDS TO YOUR HEART. SHE BORE NO BREATH. SHE BORE NO CAVITY. RELINQUISH THE PAGEANTRY, LITTLE GIRL ALL GROWN UP. ALL IS SAID AND DONE. VERITY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE 'THE DIRT.' ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND LIES. LITTLE GIRL, GROWING GRAY, SILENT, AND BLIND.
BROKEN. BREATHE ME IN LIKE AIR, INNOCENT. MY FINGERS BLEED. I'VE BEEN WRITING TOO MUCH. PREVENTING THESE WORDS FROM SEARING MY BATTERED THROAT. AND I CAN'T EVEN SCREAM SO I SKETCH YOUR FACE. EACH LINE WAS A CRY. EACH CURVE BORE BLINDNESS. PREVENT MY ARMS FROM FAILING. LIMITLESS EXPRESSIONS TO YOUR FACE I CAN'T CONFORM, BUT GIVE HANDS THE CHANCE VOICE WOULDN'T HAVE. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME THAT OUR WORDS KISSED, BUT OUR LIPS, THEY DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH. NO SKIN ON SKIN. THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE THAT I EXISTED. AND EACH TIME THAT WE BREATHED, WE WERE REBORN. WE'RE REBORN EACH TIME WE BREATHE. THESE NIGHTS WERE GAINING STRENGTH YET LOSING GROUND. A SHORT-LIVED GRACE. YOUR TONGUE! I TASTE YOUR WAYS WITH A PEN IN MY HAND, IN MY HAND, IN MY HAND. I TASTE YOUR WAYS. WELL, IN A MATTER OF TIME MY LIFE WENT FROM DAY TO NIGHT, INCRIMINATING TEXTURES. WHERE ON EARTH DID YOU GO? WHAT HAPPENED TO US? WITH THIS RETOUCHING PAINT, I WILL USE A BRUSH, APPLY IT TO YOUR CANVAS. THIS WAS ONCE A BEAUTIFUL PAINTING. EACH LASTING MEMORY WILL CONTROL EACH WORD THAT I WRITE. AND I USED TO THINK THAT MY HANDS COULD DANCE. I ONLY NEEDED TO HOLD MYSELF UP. YOU WERE NEVER A CRUTCH AS YOU TORE ME AWAY LIKE THIS FRINGED PAPERS' EDGE. YOU WERE NEVER A CRUTCH? BUT NOW I SEE MY HAND'S BEEN BROKEN FOR QUITE SOME TIME. THESE MEMORIES IMPALE THE SENSES TO THIS DAY. I'M BROKEN.
FORFEIT SUNDIALS. TAKEN THIS FOR GRANTED. PAWNED A LAUGH FOR A SMILE, A HUG FOR A HANDSHAKE, A NOTE FOR A GOODBYE, THANK YOU. DIAL THE SUN, FOR THE TIME? DIAL THE SUN, FORGIVE A BIG HAND, A LITTLE HAND. WE'LL NEVER TELL THEM APART REGARDLESS. BEST REGARDS. FORFEIT SUNDIALS. DISPERSED THE DAYS WONDERING WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO LOOK BACK AT THIS. UNENDING RITUALS, LINE FOR LINE. MEMORY INFINITY. BELIEVE IN IT. DIAL THE SUN, FOR THE TIME? DIAL THE SUN, FOR EVERYONE SIGHS. ITS NOT MY THING BUT I APPRECIATE IT. AT LEAST I CAN TELL THEM APART FROM THE REST. FORFEIT SUNDIALS.
ALL THE KING'S HORSES. EXCELLENCY, BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS I'LL BE GONE. LONG GONE. GONE LONG. NO LONGER ADORNED IN ROBES, NOR THE FINEST OF ARMOR. WAYWARD GROWS A LIGHT EXPONENTIALLY BESEECHING ME. DIVERGENT BOUNDARIES SUCK THE OCEAN IN. SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT BACK AT MY FACE! TESTIFY/ALIBY. MOTHER NATURE VERSUS FATHER NURTURE. OH MONARCH, THROW YOUR TOWEL IN! THESE MINSTRELS MUST PLAY THEIR FLUTES AT WILL. HURRY UP, PROTECT YOUR PEOPLE, INCOMPITENT FOOL! SO OVERWHELMED WITH PUBLICITY, LACKED PATRIOTIC INTEGRITY. BUT WHAT'S MORE RIDICULOUS ? TALKING EGGS BREAKING OR THE HORSES THAT ARE TRYING TO FIX THEM? DUG AS DITCHES AND TRENCHES, BOOK-ENDS ON BENCHES, THE LIFE OF THE PARTY, HOG-TIE PARK AVE, MONOPOLY. HE CLAIMED HE KNEW CINDARELLA. 'SHE WAS A WHORE LET ME TELL YA!' A WHORE? INSIDER TRADING WITH THE EARTH. CHITTER AND CHATTER AND HAGGLE AND HUSTLE FOR ALL IT'S WORTH. IT'S EITHER HUMAN FLESH OR SOIL, REPLENISHED FROM EACH OTHER. I CAN'T STOP RECYCLING SELF. COME ON! DISSEMBLE THE CONSCIENCE. LONG GONE. GONE LONG.
OPERATION: WORK; LIFT-FACE. HAND-FED TRIUMPH, SPOILS. BATTLES WHICH YOU CANT RECALL FIGHTING IN. THIS FANCIES YOUR FIT. YOU'VE SETTLED DOWN FOR A LONG WINTER'S NAP; SIMPLY GROWN TIRED OF CHEAP THRILLS, BUT IT'S BEEN YEARS UPON YEARS OF CRAVING SIMPLICITIES. OH, THE KNAVERY/DEPRAVITY! SENTENCES BECOME PARAGRAPHS BECOME NOVELS ON COLD FRONTS, WARM BACKS. AND THIS TOWN NEEDS AN ENEMA. I'LL PASS THE TIME WITH A RHYTHM AND A RHYME. THAT RHYME NEEDS A GOOD ONCE OVER, BUT I'M NO JOKER. I'VE SEEN PEOPLE EXPLODE. PIECES! YOU CAN'T KILL WHAT'S ALREADY DEAD. SUBCONSCIOUS WHITE NOISE MAULS PROSE. ODD, SUPERFLOUS SOUNDS. THIS IS A PHYSICAL CHALLENGE, WELL-BEYOND A DOUBLE DARE. COMMIT TO A LEGACY. ON WITH ALL THE FIREWORKS AND THE PARADES. GOD-WILLING A MOMENTUM OF SILENCE. SILENCE! IT'S WHAT WE'LL ALL EVENTUALLY HAVE IN COMMON
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[05 May 2006|12:38pm] |
In this room the hours of love
Differ in shades of grey
Still make shadows
In this room the hours of love
Differ in fears, we'll shake lovers
That on this day, search our dark noon
Where worms creep out in sunlight
To be raped
By birds as they feed
To be raped as they feed
Oh how, how is this worth waiting
It feels like it's rushed, rushed because you..
Oh, how they hesitate 'cause they already dream if you are
(Tell me you are staying, oh...)
They're calling you out
Is this a sign of the end, are we losing him?
..Is this is a sign of distress, are you losing him?
(of the stressed)
Tamasomajyotirgamaya {Take me from darkness to light}
Mrityormamritamgamaya {Take me from death to eternity}
Tamas soma
Chortir gamaya
Ipyormar
Ambritam Mmm gamaya
[With whispers in the back]
Oh how, how is this worth waiting
It feels like it's rushed, rushed because you..
Oh, how they hesitate 'cause they already dream if you are
(Tell me you are staying, oh...)
They're calling you out
Is this a sign of the end, are we losing him?
..Is this is a sign of the stress, are you losing him?
(of distress)
Tamasomajyotirgamaya {Take me from darkness to light}
Mrityormamritamgamaya {Take me from death to eternity}
We separate, something's been raped
One submission only
Our house is a house that moves just like the Ocean
Just like the Ocean
My angel, Empathy
Drawn me beneath her wings, want slender fingers
Of our home's to feather leaf
Mother is a mouth upon
My neck, a pink bird
Swoon in the belly
And I don't wanna sing, I don't wanna say no
I don't wanna sing, I don't wanna say no
Luck today, my brother, gorgeous he will lay in gems
I don't wanna say no
Luck today, my brother, gorgeous he will lay in gems
These words are simply small black statuaries
Between you and me, I don't wanna sing
I don't wanna say no
I don't wanna sing, I don't wanna say no
Luck today, my brother, gorgeous he will lay in gems
I don't wanna say no
Luck today, my brother, gorgeous he will lay in gems
Okay
The sun is setting, a distant hill
Pour the bottles at the horizon
The water tower bleeds from the heat
Paint the sun, guess my reaction
No retreat, not even in sleep
Days with a new direction
Take that step to the night
Beyond all that has created you
Dead, empty stares
Strike back with the hate of a young man's heart
Sing where you don't dare
I'll meet you there
We're the sunset in the end.
After all, they made them robed
Repeating all, to live in her wall
Something to show me a change
You're wearing a mask from the night before
She's going places she should have never been
She should have never been
After all, they made them robed
Repeating all, to live in her wall
Something to show me a change
You're wearing a mask from the night before
She's going places she should have never been
She should have never been
Something to show me a change
You're wearing a mask from the night before
She's going places she should have never been
She should have never been
Something to show me a change
You're wearing a mask from the night before
She's going places she should have never been
She should have never been
(I'll see you there tomorrow)
It's just a little less
(Ah, sorry, sorry, Let me do that again)
It's just a lot like you're pushing too hard
It's just a little less
You compensate enough for your lack of, your lack...
(You gonna let me try that again?)
Your stamina plays tricks on us
It's no measure of adoration
Maybe I'm just not ready, everything in me feels...
Maybe I'm just not ready, we're here to wish you...
(Ah, sorry about that)
(You can justify just about anything)
It's just a little less
You compensate enough for your lack of, your lack...
Your stamina plays tricks on us
It's no measure of adoration
Maybe I'm just not ready, everything in me feels...
Maybe I'm just not ready, we're here to wish you...
And endless crowds of people, they walk upon this stone
Where will their memory go, where did their minds come from?
And I was only a child when I first looked into your eyes
And saw your body rise up over the ocean
We saw the golden boy bleed love onto the sand like rain
While we were injecting colors into our open veins
And deep beneath the water, the dead black silence crawled far away across the ocean
The golden boy is swallowed by the sea
And love is sometimes violent, and violence has no constraint
And I can see inside you, Yes, I can feel what you think
And with this knife of silver I will release your soul
And throw it out into the ocean, nine million miles in a straight line
In a place just like this, in a ship on the water, where no dimensions exist
My hands are hitting your picture, and the image, it shifts
I tear it up and scatter it over the ocean, the golden boy that was swallowed by the sea.
It's making me nervous how every day feels the same
Meet my phantoms, they never seem to want to go away
So they stay
I found a good place for everyone I know to come and rest
All I ever wanted is for everyone I know to come and rest
Meet my Phantoms
Meet my Phantoms
Meet my Phantoms
Meet my Phantoms
How's your body, how clean is your soul?
Why are you trying to steal my thoughts before they fly
Fall right in, let's talk, Maurice
If everything's fine, then why are you waiting for him?
How's your body, how clean is your soul?
Why are you trying to steal my thoughts before they talk
Fall right in, let's talk Maurice
If everything's fine, then what are you waiting for?
Kid, where's your pride?
Use your time, sure it's more than love and goals,
and love and goals both use your pride, use your time
Waste of life, feel the music change your mind
Where's your body, where's your soul?
Waste of life, feel the music change your mind
Where's your body, where's your soul?
Sure it's more than love and goals, and love and goals both...
(Since they try to lie, I said it's the truth
The monsters that walk among us..
X marks the trouble, X marks the trouble
This is me trying to get away
The monsters walk, it's brilliant
Just 2 eyes and you believe them
Don't try to lie, don't try to lie
I said it's the truth
X marks the trouble...)
Kid, where's your pride?
Use your time, sure it's more than love and goals, and love and goals both
Use your pride, use your time
Wasted life, feel the music change your mind
Where's your body, where's your soul
Wasted life, feel the music change your mind...
In this room the hours of love
different shades of grey
still make shadows...
Feel your hand, Stranger
Feel your hand, Stranger
Fill your hand, Stranger
///
I know you don't want change
But nothing is ever what it used to be
Grab the rope, hoist yourself up
With a copy in hand
Comforted by, the Lions of substance
A solitude parade
Grab the rope, hoist yourself up
And drift like ants in hole's water
These three angels used to be attorneys
It is such a serious thing to me
Oh, how i search through the memories
Such an experience for me
Silence creating bold letters
Like not and better
These three devils used to be apologies
These three angels used to be monuments
I tried to find that feeling from that letter
For my consistencies
It was such a painful thing to see
When the shadows didnt bend
Like now and then
These three devils used to be apostrophes
So I destroyed a monument
So what
I know you don't want change
But nothing is ever what it used to be
Grab the rope, hoist yourself up
With a copy in hand
Comforted by, the Lions of substance
A solitude parade
Grab the rope, hoist yourself up
And drift like ants in hole's water
///
Inevitably
It's starting to bleed
And couldn't be stopped, that's justice
Incredible luck, to lift and be struck
What curious things..
A moment to think, before we will sing
The beauties alined, so sweetly
And don't be afraid, don't be afraid
Don't be afraid...
Does this look like that?
(My bumpkin boy)
How cruel you get
I've started again
(My bumpkin boy)
To miss your hands
What carnage you've left
(My bumpkin boy)
And you were dead
Remember your flesh
(My bumpkin boy)
To see us break
Our souls are unrest
What kind of pride is this?
Dry your, dry your eyes
They'll salt his wounds
If burning the flesh means finding the one
Does this look like that?
(My bumpkin boy)
How cruel you get
I've started again
(My bumpkin boy)
To miss your hands
What carnage you've left
(My bumpkin boy)
And you were dead
Remember your flesh
(My bumpkin boy)
To see us break
(Flesh is heretic
My body is a witch
I am burning it)
My bumpkin boy
How cruel you get
I've started again
My bumpkin boy
To miss your hand...
///
new music
new listening
not an attempt to understand something
that is said
for if something were being said
the sounds would be given the shapes of words
just an attention to the activity of sound
new means change the method
new means change the experience
and new experiences change man
whenever we hear sounds we are changed
we are no longer the same
after hearing certain sounds
and this is more the case
when we hear organized sounds
sounds organized by another human being
music
our entire system of values
of the things we accept to be true
is based on the visual sounds
you have to sign a paper because your word is not enough to be trusted
as a result the acoustic faculty in human beings has declined
as it has become possible to define a continuum between sounds and noises
completely new problems have come up when we compose or play intuitively
because we have no training whatsoever in balancing tones and noises
traditionally in western music
noises have been taboo
and there are precise reasons for this
it has become from began from the time when staff notations were introduced
traditionally in western music
noises have been taboo
and there are precise reasons for this
it began from the time when staff notations were introduced
and music could be noted in precise intervals for the first time
then it was mainly vocal music
some predominantly with vowels rather than consonants
if i sing a melody of consonants now, people would say it isn't music
we have no tradition of music composed in these sounds
and no notation for it
there you see how narrow our concept of music is
from having excluded consonants the noises
of course you find consonants in vocals music
but only in order to make a word comprehensible
thats the function of a consonant in our daily language
to clarify the meaning
but in a musical sense
consonants have no function other than as accents
s s or t or k
to start or end sound clearly
i respond to sounds directly
sound is my air
whenever i deal with sounds they organize themselves, so to speak
they respond very well to me
and i to them
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[25 Apr 2006|05:29am] |
I have done this for the sound/have done this for the sake of you, the sake of me. and you can mark my fucking words...
operator, operator, can you hear me? I think the line is dead on my side. transistor, transistor, I hear you fading, don't the words break, this is my life...
trembling with no legs...
_trembling with no legs...
__trembling with no legs...
I hope you enjoy dying alone...
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[08 Apr 2006|12:54pm] |
operator, operator can you hear me? I think the line is dead on my side...
I was not made for suffering, get it? got it? good.
so don't go out tonite for the fear of waking up in someones else arms
standing here on top of what they've built, we will sing a song of hope, and we will sing a song of what they've done
This is something to gasp aboutIt's her glamour that he's tearing atHe is filth, he is dirty.And she loves it.Just keep your face downAnd don't look outIt's not love that your after nowYou are triumphYou are gloryYou are the partyHere is your moment to shineDon't you feel importanthere is your revolutionStart Stop DanceWith every beat of the drum she frownsShe makes her way through the grinding crowdTo finish off what she started in his pocketJust keep your face downAnd don't look outIt's not love that your after nowYou are triumph and glory, the party.But I know what you'll sayThe does not mean a god damn thing to meBut I think this should be the last fucking word you say to meBreak away from the crowd to celebrateSoldiers dance the night awaySoldiers dance too.
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[03 Apr 2006|11:09am] |
you're rocking back and forth; shaking like a nailbomb/kiss me goodnite when you marry the martyr
always and forever, we are apart, and may she say...
you can lead A whore to water and you can bet shell drink and follow orders, and I say "is this what you wanted/is this what you needed?"
you only get one taste, and for this gift, we are graced. you only get one taste for this gift....
YOU'RE ROCKING BACK AND FORTHSHAKING LIKE A NAILBOMB
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[30 Mar 2006|12:24pm] |
barely able to keep the lids open....
at times I might think I need the rest, but who would want to go back there...
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU WOKEN UP IN A STRANGERS ARMS COVERED IN THE GASOLINE AS THEY HOVER ABOVE YOU WITH A MATCH THAT IGNITES
\there are certain things that your voice does to me. it makes me feel the ground and sky again./
I love trying to make conversation when I could care less of what you're doing
they find ways to drag you along and dismantle what you've created
\\\\\\ ///////
soitsliketalkingtoabrickwallhuh?
No longer the same, you've grown accustomed to seeing the sun in a different lOcAtIoN.
happiness is not having to lie on the floor dead, alone...
we are inseperable...
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[03 Mar 2006|12:24pm] |
1. Ghostchant
Sever your relation to those who are dependent onbreathing the obvious in it only turns your lips blue.Turns your lips blue.Unfastens inspiration from your throat.No one around so you slash pretty skin.You told me they drove you to it.How many times do I have to turn the switchto warn you about jumping in the back of the cars.They cut the tendon so you'd be to wasted to hold it all.No one around so you slash pretty skin.You told me they drove you to it.How many times have you woken up in a strangers armscovered in the gasoline as they hover above youwith the match they ignite.
2. Loved Ones
Sit across from you, why are we even here?There is no way to make up for the 20 years.I love trying to make conversation when I could careless of what you'redoing,what are you doing? And I know you never cared 'till now.All my days go back to when you would scream.And it froze me.Guess the screaming runs in the family.You look tired and run-down. Are you even excited to see your baby boy?Put a razor to the skin 'till we don't resemble each other anymore.Sit across from you, why are we even here?There is no way to make up for the 20 years.So now I see the tears welling up, finally you care I've waited all my lifefor this.It's always been over, it's always been over, it's always been over for us.A single tear, a last resort for all who've never felt.Sit across from you, why are we even here?There is no way to make up for these 20 years.If I could flip this table I'd stab you with every word that lied its wayout of your head.
3. For A Bandaged Iris
I know we've never met and you'll probably never read this.There are certain things your voice does to me, it makes me feel the groundand sky again.How sad it is when you spill your guts on the paper.It only neglects you and never relieves.In every corner and space I search for you,I've only found your vocal cords.Hate that I'm never certain of what needs what most.All day your songs spin me into a romance repeatedly to the sky.Scream over and over again repeatedly to the sky.In every corner and space I search for you,I've only found your vocal cords.Hate that I'm never certain of what needs what most.And nothing has affected me so...In every corner and space I search for you,I've only found your vocal cords.Hate that I'm never certain of what needs what most.
4. Meeting Again For The First Time
Barely able to keep the lids openAt times I might think I need the restbut who would want to go back there?It's already hard enough to say I need it.bad memories and good times.Keep me from believing that I can still jump off.No longer, no longer the same.you grow accustomed to seeing the sun in a different location.Standing still becomes a chore.Anxious to get the pavement moving.The easy solution to this and everything else is to move on.It comes equipped with the last word.they find ways to drag you alongand dismantle what you created.It's already hard enough to say I need itBad memories and good times.Keep me from believing that I can still jump off.No longer, no longer the same.You grow accustomed to seeing the sun in a different location.Standing still becomes a chore.Anxious to get the pavement moving.Happiness is not having to lie on the floor dead alone.
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[21 Feb 2006|01:02pm] |
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I HOPE THAT WHEN IM BACK, ILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH YOU, YOURE MY OWN ANGEL, SO VERY HYPNOTIZING, BURY YOUR GROUND, YOURE MY REASON FOR CRYING
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[01 Feb 2006|11:03am] |
so this is continuous happiness?
you know, i always imagined it something more
with the right drapes, the righ paints, the right frames
this could really work
oh what a great day to stay indoors
wake, wake up, wake, wake up
so where has all of the day gone?
and why are my lungs aching when i breathe?
is there something wrong with the heat?
why am i so cold?
my heart feels sick
and it hurts when i speak
THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAD HOPED FOR
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[20 Jan 2006|12:48pm] |
cause ive been waiting for so long/im waiting for you
youre everything i desire
my life starts with you.....
soon, ill be with you...
IF ALL ELSE FAILS, I FAIL TOO
I LET YOU DOWN, I FALL TOO
IF ALL ELSE FAILS, I FAIL TOO
YOU JUMP HEADFIRST, I JUMP TOO
IF ALL ELSE FAILS, I FAIL TOO
YOU CUT YOUR WRISTS, I BLEED TOO
IF ALL ELSE FAILS, I FAIL TOO
YOU KILL YOURSELF, I DIE TOO
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[08 Jan 2006|05:38pm] |
IM ONLY LEFT WITH TIRED ARMS TO STOP FROM DROWNING.
IVE EMPTIED MY SOUL
TIME TO SHATTER YOUR HEART
trading my halo for feet on the ground
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[05 Jan 2006|01:51pm] |
On my face I scratched out something like a silhouette
around the golden ten like lambs
on my face I've hidden away any embarrassment,
away from my acquaintances
I'm not sold on anything but half a dream
I'm not sensing a thing
I see a blank notebook page
and it's my life and there is
nothing I can think to write
I fear the thought of not sensing a thing
I hope you don't see a thing
I said, smile through everyone you ever see
(so what you gave him the time of day)
twist back and end this suffering
I'll dance around, I honestly give up and de robe
I see a blank notebook page
and it's my life and there is
nothing I can think to write
I fear the thought of not sensing a thing
Right side falls
heavenly grace to you I owe you too
right side because
Happier life should be so easy
murder = white out.
cancer = birth blouse.
mirror = perfect glass spouse.
oil = sex paint.
shower = water saint.
Death decodes the howls from our hands.
skull = noise nest.
TV = fuck test.
mirror = siamese gun kiss.
sugar = birth bait.
murder = loves fate.
death distills the camouflage from our dance.
death inverts the red from romance.
Death x-rays the angels of chance.
death; the anti mirror of infants.
Like a picture hiding beneath the digital Avalanche.
When cecilia's grave cracked like a dirt cacoon,
she pulled up a stool at the silhouette saloon.
The player piano mumbling crippled jigs,
black widows knitting victimless wigs.
When cecilia's throat slit like a second set of lips
she drooled braille bibles onto the brothel bed spread,
like an egg whose yoke defies child bearing hips.
Like a ghost who fears all of the deceased and dead.
(time eats the flesh and spits out the shadow like a useless wishbone.)
But that locket spinning around her neck,
whose hearth heats a dead valentine,
you know the phantom trail leads way to a muted grave.
Where is his voice now?
A dead tone in the flutter of drunken wings,
Where is his blushed cheek now,
A face unraveled in shadow, veiled in blind laughter.
Where are those sex ripened lips,
his kiss print still warm on several necks.
Where is love now?
murder = white out.
cancer = birth blouse.
mirror = perfect glass spouse.
oil = sex paint.
shower = water saint.
Death decodes the howls from our hands.
skull = noise nest.
TV = fuck test.
mirror = siamese gun kiss.
sugar = birth bait.
murder = loves fate.
death distills the camouflage from our dance.
death inverts the red from romance.
Death x-rays the angels of chance.
death; the anti mirror of infants.
Like a picture hiding beneath the digital Avalanche.
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[04 Jan 2006|10:42am] |
| [ |
music |
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circa survive |
] |
Didn't I know you, mystery man?
Strange as all new thoughts on impotence.
All I want are windows
It wouldn't be the first time.
Didn't I, didn't I know you?
Didn't I, didn't I know you, didn't I know you?
All along, all we've been given is the ugliest tidings.
All along, we've been a mess.
Now quick dilation is the only chance we have left.
A stranger's just someone that you've forgotten.
How will we know if we've met before or done this dance,
Mystery man?
Didn't I, didn't I know you?
Didn't I, didn't I know you, didn't I know you?
All along, all we've been given is the ugliest tidings.
All along, we've been a mess.
Now quick dilation is the only chance we have left.
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